Cherry Blossom Dreams Read online

  Leo wasn’t there when we got up the next morning, which I guess shouldn’t have been surprising, though I have to admit I’d been really hoping he’d come back at some point during the night. Mum hardly even looked at us while we ate breakfast, and for the most part she seemed lost in a world of her own. I knew she was feeling down, and probably upset about Leo, and usually if she feels that way she’ll talk to Miranda about it when she gets to work. But thanks to us, she couldn’t even do that at the moment.

  ‘You know, I’m really sorry about the party, Mum,’ I said earnestly, feeling guilty for letting my desire to impress Rafferty override everything and everyone else.

  But Mum still didn’t speak and I had a horrible feeling that she wasn’t even listening as she carried on sipping her coffee in silence.

  It turned out to be another miserable day at school.

  First I had to lie to Leo in front of our whole registration class, when he asked me why my brother was absent yet again. (Sean was taking another sick day without even telling Mum and he was planning to spend it at Blossom House.)

  Priti was still ignoring me, and Lily was wandering around flanked by Clara and Hanna like they were her bodyguards. My first lesson of the day was maths (my least favourite subject) and straight away the taunts started:

  ‘Hey, Sasha! Your mum must be pretty hot if she’s going out with Mr Anderson!’

  ‘Her mum is pretty hot! I’ve seen her!’

  ‘So how did they meet, Sasha? Did they see each other across the room at parents’ night and have that whole lurve at first sight thing?’

  As most of the class started laughing I stood up to escape the room – just as Miss Benkowski walked in. My legs felt wobbly and my head was spinning and it wasn’t a lie when I told our teacher I felt sick.

  As I took some deep breaths and tried to calm myself in the girls’ toilets, I vaguely wondered if this was how it felt to be bullied. Right from when I was little I’d been told I should always report bullying, but I wasn’t sure if this counted as that. And even if it did, there was no way I was putting myself through the humiliation of reporting it to Miss Benkowski, who would almost certainly rush off and tell Leo.

  ‘Of course it’s bullying,’ Zack said when I told him about it at break time. ‘If people made fun of you for having a disability, you’d say it was bullying, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘But I don’t have a disability!’

  ‘Well, I’d say you’ve got a pretty major social disability,’ Zack replied matter-of-factly. ‘Until all the fuss dies down at any rate.’

  I guessed he had a point. In any case, I was so grateful to him for looking out for me that I didn’t even mind when he started up a conversation about stick insects.

  ‘So where’s Sean today?’ Zack eventually asked me. ‘Did Leo murder him yesterday or what?’

  ‘Not exactly. What were you two doing in the pet shop anyway?’

  ‘Buying some frozen mice. I gave one to Sean to use as bait. Didn’t he tell you?’

  I shook my head.

  ‘We’d been talking about how to catch Monty and he mentioned that birdcage you found. Sounds just the thing, so I told him how he could use it as a snake trap.’

  ‘I don’t know why he didn’t tell me,’ I said crossly. ‘I’m going to text him right now and see what he’s doing …’

  It turned out that Sean hadn’t managed to get inside Blossom House today after all, because the gardener was there. Now he was back at home feeling worried because apparently Leo had already sent him two extremely stern texts as well as leaving an irate message on his voicemail.

  I immediately sent Sean a jubilant text back: Bet he comes round 2 check up on u after school !!!

  And OK, so maybe the smiley face was a bit tactless, but I was just so relieved that Leo still cared enough to keep hassling him.

  But Leo didn’t actually come round after school that day, or send my brother any further messages.

  By the time Mum got home from work Sean was worried enough to confess straight away that he had played truant, saying he just couldn’t face all the fuss about her and Leo. Luckily, instead of being angry, Mum just nodded and said that she wasn’t feeling much like facing the world right now either. Then she said she was going upstairs to have a rest and to do some yoga before Leo got here later on tonight.

  ‘Leo’s coming here later?’ Sean and I both said at once.

  ‘Yes. He phoned me earlier. He wanted to pop in after school but I told him to come later once the two of you are in bed. This way he and I can have a proper talk without you two listening in.’

  Sean and I looked at each other anxiously. We’d both known Mum long enough to realise what was likely to happen. Mum wasn’t capable of just ‘talking’. Not about this sort of thing. There would be a massive row, and tears. Mum would tell Leo to get lost. Leo would slam the door and go back to being just our teacher. Mum would be miserable again, Sean would miss Leo even more than Married Michael, and as for me …

  ‘Sean, we have to do something,’ I blurted desperately when Mum had gone upstairs. But even as I said it I knew there was nothing we could do but let the whole thing play out.

  ‘It’s up to them, not us,’ Sean murmured, sounding just as upset as I was. ‘But she’s daft if she thinks we’re not going to stay awake until he gets here, so we can listen.’

  I was coming out of the bathroom after my much-later-than-usual shower, when I heard Leo’s voice downstairs. Sean was already in position, seated on the top stair in his T-shirt and pyjama bottoms, listening intently.

  ‘What’s going on?’ I whispered.

  ‘Leo got here ten minutes ago and they’re already having another row – a bad one.’

  I sat down next to him and asked nervously, ‘What about?’

  ‘Us.’

  Sure enough I could hear Mum’s voice from the living room sounding angry. ‘Leo, there’s no way you’re going to be making any decisions about my children! And if you think that us getting married automatically makes you head of this family, then think again!’

  ‘Come off it, Annabel! That’s not what I think and you know it!’

  ‘Good, because frankly I think you’re a bit too young to play the role of patriarch, don’t you?’

  I gasped and Sean let out a whispered, ‘Ouch!’

  Leo’s voice sounded stony. ‘You really don’t get it, do you? I know I’m too young to be their biological father … well, not unless I’d had them when I was seventeen, God forbid.’ He paused and his voice sounded shakier as he continued, ‘But when … if … we get married I’ll still be the closest thing to a dad that those two have got! So if you’re saying you don’t think I can make the grade as a half-decent step-dad because I’m too young, then maybe we should think again. Because there’s no way I won’t be wanting to take a role in their upbringing over the next few years!’

  ‘Oh, really?’ Mum sounded sarcastic.

  ‘Yes – really. And don’t look at me like that, Annabel, because from what I’ve seen, you could use the help!’

  ‘Oh!’ Mum sounded like she’d been slapped.

  ‘Uh-oh,’ Sean whispered.

  Downstairs we heard a clatter and saw something small and shiny bounce out on to the wooden floor of the hall.

  ‘There goes the engagement ring,’ Sean muttered.

  Two seconds later Mum came storming through the hall like a whirling dervish, heading for the stairs. And us.

  Sean and I quickly scrambled to our feet, but we weren’t quick enough. We just had time to flatten ourselves against the wall to let her pass.

  ‘You two should be in bed!’ Mum snapped as she rushed past us into her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her.

  Down in the hall, Leo was picking up Mum’s engagement ring and placing it on the hall table. He looked dazed.

  ‘Leo!’ I called out hoarsely.

  He looked up at us then, clearly trying to pull himself together enough to say something normal. ‘
You heard your mum. Go to bed.’

  But we didn’t move.

  ‘Hey!’ His voice was instantly softer as he said, ‘I’ll see you both at school tomorrow.’ He gave my brother an extra long look as he added, ‘Right, Sean?’

  And I didn’t miss the way Sean swallowed really hard before croaking, ‘Yes, Leo.’

  The teasing about Leo and Mum continued at school the next day, although in the light of what had happened the night before I felt a bit removed from it. As usual, neither Lily nor Priti joined in, but they both kept out of my way.

  Sean and I had agreed not to tell anyone yet about Mum and Leo splitting up. I felt like I was walking round in a daze and I was afraid that even the smallest word of sympathy would make me burst into tears.

  I met up with Sean and Zack in the library at lunchtime, where I listened while they discussed how to catch Monty. The snake trap they intended to set up sounded simple enough. All they needed was the birdcage and a dead mouse to put inside it as bait.

  ‘I don’t see how it’s going to work though,’ I said with a puzzled frown. ‘I mean, Monty can get in and out again through the bars, surely?’

  Zack just grinned. ‘Come to Blossom House with us after school today and I’ll show you. We can swing by your place first to pick up the mouse, right Sean?’

  Sean shook his head. ‘No point. Gardener’s there again. I checked.’ He saw the look I was giving him and added, ‘It’s in the freezer – in the ice-lolly box.’

  ‘Oh my God, you are totally gross!’ I exclaimed, but he just laughed.

  ‘Let’s go back to mine after school,’ Zack suggested quickly. ‘You can come too if you want, Sasha. You can meet Percy and Tallulah.’

  ‘Thanks, but no thanks,’ I said quickly. I looked at Sean. ‘Someone’s got to go home and check on Mum.’

  Sean looked at me warily. ‘You don’t think … ?’

  ‘She said she was going to call in sick today,’ I reminded him. ‘So who knows?’

  I think the really nervous feeling started to come over me as I approached our house and saw that all the front curtains, upstairs and downstairs, were drawn. Just seeing that gave me butterflies inside my tummy.

  ‘Mum!’ I called out after I’d unlocked the door and stepped into the hall. ‘MUM!’ I yelled again at the top of my voice. But there was still no reply.

  I went upstairs and pushed open her bedroom door. The room was dark but I could see the mound under the covers.

  ‘Mum?’ I called out softly.

  When she didn’t reply I moved closer to the bed and pulled the cover off her head. ‘Mum – are you OK?’

  This time I got a grunt in response.

  The closed curtains and Mum being in bed during the day reminded me of the time just after Mum found out the truth about Michael. It had gone on for weeks, with Mum taking to her bed as soon as she got in from work or sometimes being unable to face getting out of bed at all and staying there all day.

  It also reminded me of another time – a time when I was much younger, when Mum’s bedroom had seemed like a very scary place, filled with crying that never stopped. The room had been off limits to us then and only Granny ever went inside.

  Suddenly all I wanted was to contact the one person who had made Sean and me feel safe back then. And I left Mum and rushed downstairs to the hall, where I pressed Granny’s number on the speed dial before I could change my mind.

  As we sat eating dinner at the kitchen table the following evening, Sean was grinning and I knew exactly what he was thinking. Granny never changes. There was something quite comforting about the way she still fussed over Sean and me like we were little kids. But though I still liked the feeling it gave me to be babied a bit by her (not that I’d admit that to anyone, not even Lily) it was quite a long time ago that I stopped thinking of her as totally strong and infallible. I suppose it’s just that, as I’ve got older, I’ve realised that Granny isn’t always right about things, even if she does state all her opinions as if they’re rock-solid facts.

  Still, I was really grateful to her for calming me down last night, for speaking with Mum on the phone to assess the situation and for catching the first train she could, to arrive here by lunchtime today. Mum had taken another day off work but now that Granny was here she was up and dressed and at least going through the motions of sitting down at the table with us to eat a meal.

  I had survived Mum’s meltdown over my emergency phone call to summon Granny, but only just. I knew Mum was still angry with me and I had a feeling I was going to be in the doghouse for quite a while. But I certainly didn’t regret what I’d done.

  ‘You have to eat, Annabel,’ Granny told her as Mum kept forking her food around her plate, making no eye contact with anyone.

  ‘Actually I’m not hungry,’ Mum said, standing up abruptly and leaving the table.

  After I’d finished my own meal I left Granny and Sean to eat dessert and went upstairs, where I knocked on Mum’s door and tentatively pushed it open.

  I found her sitting on her bed staring at the photograph Lily had found in Blossom House. I guessed she must have forgotten to take it in to work.

  ‘Mum, I didn’t mean to upset you by asking Granny to come,’ I blurted.

  ‘So why did you?’ she snapped, turning her face sharply to confront me. ‘You knew how much she’d gloat when she found out the engagement was off.’

  ‘I don’t think she’s gloating. I think she’s just worried about you,’ I mumbled. ‘So am I, and yesterday … yesterday I phoned her because I was scared.’

  ‘Scared?’ She sounded surprised.

  ‘Yes. I was scared it was going to be like the last time …’

  ‘Last time? What on earth are you talking about, Sasha?’

  ‘Well … it’s just that when you split up with Michael you were depressed for a really long time … and it was scary because you didn’t seem like you any more …’ I took a deep breath. ‘And after Daddy died it was even worse than that … and if Granny hadn’t moved in …’ I trailed off, my memories of that time so hazy that I wanted to leave them in that haze. I didn’t want to remember how I’d felt peeping inside Mum’s bedroom to check that the lifeless lump under the covers was still there. It was like having a body permanently in the house – only a body that wasn’t completely dead. In fact I remember Sean creeping up to her motionless form one time and prodding her in the back to check if she was still alive – and both of us getting a terrible fright when she gasped and suddenly sat up.

  Mum was staring at me now. Was it possible that she was finally getting it? Getting how scared Sean and me had felt back then, I mean? Because I was pretty sure she hadn’t been in any state to even notice it at the time. ‘Oh, Sasha …’ she murmured.

  I found myself going to give her a hug. I’d never blamed her for collapsing. I knew how much she’d loved our dad. It was just quite hard sometimes that she couldn’t seem to see that we’d actually lost her back then as well – and for such a long time.

  The two of us stayed together like that for a little while, just holding each other, not speaking.

  ‘I’m sorry I scared you,’ she murmured into my hair. ‘And that I wasn’t always there for you.’

  ‘It’s OK, Mum.’

  ‘No, it isn’t.’ Mum’s eyes were watery as she pulled back from me and looked at me sombrely. ‘But this isn’t like those other times … I promise.’

  I nodded. ‘I see that now.’ Because if it was I knew we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.

  ‘It can’t have been easy for you at school this week,’ Mum murmured thoughtfully as we continued to sit there on her bed.

  I nodded again. ‘The whole school’s talking about you and Leo. They don’t even know yet that you’ve split up.’

  Mum frowned. ‘Leo said it was Lily who told everyone. But it really doesn’t sound like her to give away something you told her in confidence. Have you actually spoken to her about it?’

  ‘No w
ay am I speaking to her ever again, Mum! I don’t even care why she did it – I’ll never forgive her!’ My voice cracked and I started to cry.

  ‘Oh dear.’ Mum looked a bit fazed. I guess it’s quite rare for me to cry in front of her. Usually when I feel upset I figure she’s got enough on her plate without me adding to it. After a few moments of awkwardly stroking my hair, she asked, ‘Well what about Priti? Isn’t she supporting you?’

  ‘Priti’s fallen out with me too. She’s angry because I told Lily about Leo and I didn’t tell her. She’s spending all her time with Jillian now.’

  ‘Well, that won’t last,’ Mum said briskly. ‘Jillian’s a nice girl but we all know she isn’t best friend material, bless her.’ She looked thoughtful. ‘Perhaps you should approach Priti with some sort of peace offering, Sasha. I remember once I upset Miranda so badly I thought she’d never get over it. In the end I sent her a box of her favourite chocolates, a huge bunch of her favourite flowers and I wrote her an extremely grovelling little note as well.’

  I sniffed. ‘Did it work?’

  ‘Oh yes. Mind you, her favourite chocolates were these luxury Belgium pralines that she always got from Harrods. Cost me a fortune!’

  I smiled. Actually Mum had given me an idea. ‘Can I go round to Priti’s house tonight? I know it’s a bit late but I’ve done all my homework for tomorrow …’

  Mum was already nodding. ‘There’s a box of chocolates in the cupboard if that helps.’

  ‘Thanks, Mum, but I’ve got something else in mind.’

  ‘OK, but before you go I want to show you something.’ She went to pick up a photograph album that had been lying closed on the floor by her bed. It was her own album – one with snaps from her childhood. She opened it at the first page. ‘This is my parents on their wedding day.’

  I took it from her, smiling as I saw Granny as an attractive young woman wearing a long, white, lacy wedding dress, standing beside my grandpa.