The Mum Detective Read online

  Gwyneth Rees is half Welsh and half English and grew up in Scotland. She went to Glasgow University and qualified as a doctor in 1990. She is a child and adolescent psychiatrist, but has now stopped practising so that she can write full-time. She lives in London with her two cats.

  Visit www.gwynethrees.com

  Also by Gwyneth Rees

  Mermaid Magic

  Fairy Dust

  Fairy Treasure

  Fairy Dreams

  Fairy Gold

  Cosmo and the Magic Sneeze

  Cosmo and the Great Witch Escape

  For older readers

  The Mum Hunt

  My Mum's from Planet Pluto

  The Making of May

  Coming Soon

  The Mum Mystery

  MACMILLAN CHILDREN’S BOOKS

  First published 2005 by Macmillan Children’s Books

  This electronic edition published 2007 by Macmillan Children’s Books

  a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited

  20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR

  Basingstoke and Oxford

  Associated companies throughout the world

  www.panmacmillan.com

  ISBN 978-0-330-47176-3 PDF

  ISBN 978-0-330-47177-0 EPUB

  Copyright © Gwyneth Rees 2005

  The right of Gwyneth Rees to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  Visit www.panmacmillan.com to read more about all our books and to buy them. You will also find features, author interviews and news of any author events, and you can sign up for e-newsletters so that you’re always first to hear about our new releases.

  For Nathan, Zara and Tristan, with lots of love

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  The morning when it first occurred to me that Lizzie might be going to have a baby, we were all sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast, except Lizzie, who was standing at the cooker trying to make scrambled eggs. I say trying because Lizzie is a rubbish cook and I’ve had her version of scrambled eggs before, which was why I was sticking to cereal that morning. Lizzie is Dad’s girlfriend and she stays the night at our house quite a lot. Right then she was standing side on to me and her dressing gown had come undone. Her nightie had a bump in the tummy area. I stared at it.

  ‘It’s a funny time to start work, isn’t it?’ Dad was saying. It was Saturday, but a few weeks ago Lizzie had started doing an extra Saturday-morning shift at the chemist where she worked. She said that it wouldn’t be forever – just for a month or so – and that she didn’t have to be there until ten o’clock, which Dad thought was strange since the shop opened at nine.

  ‘Well, they don’t get busy until ten,’ Lizzie was answering, concentrating on stirring her eggs.

  ‘But you’re the pharmacist. What if somebody comes in at nine with a prescription?’

  ‘They have to leave it and come back to collect it later,’ Lizzie answered. ‘Oh, damn.’ She started to prod at the contents of the saucepan.

  My brother, Matthew, who was in a bad mood with Dad, reached roughly across him for the butter and nearly knocked over Dad’s mug of coffee.

  ‘Careful, Matthew,’ Dad said crossly.

  Dad and my brother had been snapping at each other since they’d got up. The reason was that Matthew had wanted to go to a party last night with his girlfriend – and stay the night there – and Dad had refused to let him do the staying-the-night part. He had driven over to the party himself to collect the two of them – which Matthew reckoned was really uncool – and Matthew had been rude to him in the car, which meant he’d got told off in front of his girlfriend. This was the first time my brother had had a girlfriend and he was keeping pretty quiet about her, despite all my questions. All I knew was that he’d met her in Burger King and her name was Jennifer. He’d been seeing her for three weeks and Dad had met her for the first time last night. I’d asked Dad what she was like, but he isn’t very good at giving out detailed descriptions of people, though you’d think he would be since he’s a police detective. He told me I would have to wait and make up my own mind when I met her, but Matthew didn’t seem in any hurry to bring her back to our house to meet me.

  Normally Matthew would still be in bed at this time on a Saturday morning but he had promised to do some gardening for one of our neighbours – she was paying him for it – and Dad had insisted on him getting round there on time. ‘You know, you’d never have got there at all if you’d stayed the night at that party,’ Dad said now. ‘And once you make a commitment to somebody, you should keep it. That’s what being a grown-up is all about, Matthew.’ Matthew is sixteen, four years older than me, so he’s not really a grown-up. But he keeps telling Dad that he is and Dad tends to use that against him at times like these.

  ‘You know, you can be really pious sometimes, Dad,’ my brother replied.

  He can be really rude sometimes, if you ask me. And sometimes, now that he’s older, he even gets away with it.

  Dad didn’t look like he was about to let him get away with it today though. ‘You’re heading for a grounding,’ he grunted.

  ‘You can’t ground me! I’m sixteen! If I lived in Scotland I’d be old enough to get married!’

  ‘That happened in EastEnders once – Vicky got grounded by her dad,’ I informed them. ‘And she was seventeen.’

  Matthew scowled at me. But he soon got his own back because he watches EastEnders too. ‘That was because her dad thought she was taking drugs, wasn’t it? Or was it the time she got pregnant?’

  Dad went off on one then. ‘I don’t know what these TV soap writers think they’re doing! They know children watch those shows and what do they fill them with? Drugs and teenage pregnancies! Wonderful! Esmie, from now on, I don’t want you watching EastEnders.’

  ‘But, Dad, that’s not fair! Holly’s mum lets her watch it.’ Holly is my best friend and her mum is really cool – unlike Dad.

  ‘Does she really?’

  Fortunately, at that moment, Lizzie plonked her plate of toast and scarily rubbery eggs on to the table and said brightly to my dad, ‘Maybe this would be a good time to tell them our news. What do you think, John?’

  Dad seemed to relax a little bit. He put out his hand to stop Matthew, who was starting to get up from the table. ‘Wait a minute.’

  It was plain that Lizzie thought we were going to be ecstatic about their news, whatever it was. I couldn’t help glancing down at her tummy and noticing that it was sticking out even more now that she was seated.

  Lizzie and Dad had been together for ten months now. Lizzie spent nearly every weekend at our house and two or three evenings during the week as well. I didn’t mind because I liked her and she’d been especially nice to me since Juliette, our
French au pair, had left two months ago. Juliette had been with us for a year and she was the first person in my life who’d sort of made up a bit for me not having a mum. My real mum died giving birth to me, so I don’t remember her.

  Lizzie was smiling at Dad. ‘Is it OK if I tell them, or do you want to?’

  ‘Go ahead.’

  ‘Well . . .’ Lizzie began, and her brown eyes were looking all smiley. ‘There’s going to be a new addition to the family.’

  I gasped. I was right – that was why her tummy was so fat!

  Lizzie didn’t seem to notice my reaction. ‘Wait until you see the photograph.’ She grinned at Dad. ‘It’s upstairs. I’ll go and get it.’

  She must have had an ultrasound scan. I knew about those because a girl in my class had brought in her mother’s scan photo to show us last year, when her mum had been pregnant with her baby brother. I remember looking at it and thinking that the black and white picture looked more like a TV screen that hadn’t been tuned in properly than a baby.

  I wondered if this meant Dad and Lizzie would get married. I hoped it did. I’ve always liked Lizzie and I’ve always been incredibly friendly to her. (Matty says he reckons I’m so friendly sometimes that it borders on clingy and that I should give Lizzie more space when she comes round instead of grabbing her the minute she walks in the door and talking to her non-stop. But I don’t listen to him since he hardly talks to anyone at all when he’s in one of his ‘needing more space’ sort of moods.)

  Mind you, I thought now, as we waited for Lizzie to come back, maybe my brother had a point. Holly’s aunt had a baby a couple of months ago and Holly says she’s never seen anything that takes up as much space as her new baby cousin. It’s not the baby itself, she says, it’s all its stuff – toys and nappies and feeding equipment and bathing equipment and spare changes of clothes because it’s always puking up. Holly said there was something else about the new baby that got on her nerves too – the huge fuss everyone kept making of it. In the end, Holly had told her mum how she felt – Holly’s mum encourages her to talk about her feelings no matter how horrible they are – and her mum had made a huge fuss of her then, saying that Holly would always be her number-one baby, no matter what.

  I didn’t reckon I’d feel jealous if a new baby came along in our family. In fact, I reckoned I’d be pretty excited about it, especially if it was a girl. But if I did feel jealous then I guessed I could always talk to Dad – not that Dad likes hearing about my feelings as much as Holly’s mum likes hearing about hers.

  Lizzie came back into the room and put a photograph on the table. That’s when I saw that it wasn’t an ultrasound scan at all.

  ‘We know you’d prefer a puppy, but it’s not really fair to leave a dog alone in the house all day . . .’ She was smiling at me as she showed me a picture of a cute little white kitten.

  ‘A k-kitten?’ I stammered. ‘But I thought you were talking about . . .’ I gulped.

  Matthew was grinning. ‘I think Esmie thought you were about to tell us you were pregnant, Lizzie.’

  ‘Oh!’ Lizzie looked shocked for a moment. Then she laughed.

  So did Dad – although his laugh sounded a bit more hollow than hers.

  ‘It’s just that your tummy’s got really big, Lizzie—’ I started to explain hurriedly, but I stopped when I saw the way Dad was looking at me. Lizzie’s a bit sensitive about her weight, you see.

  ‘It’s all right,’ Lizzie said, putting her hand over her tummy, although that certainly didn’t hide it. ‘I expect it’s just this nightdress.’

  ‘Oh no, it’s not just that,’ I continued. ‘It definitely really has got bigger because—’

  ‘Esmie!’ Dad was glaring at me big-time now.

  ‘You don’t have to look at me like that!’ I told him huffily. ‘Like I’m the Devil’s pawn!’

  ‘I think you mean spawn,’ Matthew said, grinning.

  Lizzie let out a little snort and started to laugh and I thought for the millionth time how nice she was. And even though a new baby in our family would have been nice too, at least this way I got to keep Lizzie all to myself.

  ‘So when are you getting this kitten?’ Holly asked me as we sat on the bed in her room the following Saturday morning. I had slept over at her house the previous night and Dad was coming to pick me up just before lunch.

  ‘In a few weeks’ time, Lizzie says. It’s too young to leave its mother at the moment.’

  ‘I thought your dad wouldn’t let you have a pet because of him being at work all the time.’

  ‘He says we’re only getting it if Matthew and I agree to help look after it, especially me, since I’m the one who wants it the most. He says I’ve got to understand that a kitten is a big commitment.’

  ‘Lizzie’ll help too, though, won’t she?’

  ‘Yes, except . . .’

  ‘Except what?’

  ‘Lizzie and Dad haven’t been getting on all that well for the last week. I think they must have had a row about something, but I don’t know what.’

  ‘How do you mean, not getting on?’

  ‘Well, Lizzie seems to be in a really bad mood with Dad all the time. Like . . . you know how she’s a really bad cook? Well, the other night Dad took a lump out of the mashed potatoes she’d made us and left it on the side of his plate – he didn’t even complain about it – and she started snapping at him that he could mash his own potatoes in future if he was such an expert. And another time, when he put on a CD, she said she wished he would put on something other than Beethoven for a change. She said she didn’t even like Beethoven. She said she preferred The Beatles.’

  ‘I thought she said she liked classical music when she answered his advert.’ (Dad and Lizzie met through a Lonely Hearts advert – but that’s another story.)

  ‘She did!’ I answered. ‘And she does normally. So I don’t know why she’s getting all grumpy about it now.’

  ‘Hmm . . .’ Holly stopped fiddling with her bracelet and sat up straight. She looked like she was thinking hard about something. Holly always seems to find my family life fascinating. She says it’s because her own family is more boring in comparison, but that’s just not true. OK, so she’s an only child, but she’s got a great mum who isn’t the least bit boring – I’ve wished millions of times that she was my mum – and even though her mum and dad are divorced she still sees her dad lots. (He’s a fashion designer, which Dad thinks is a daft job for a man, but then my dad can be pretty sexist about those sorts of things. For instance, he thinks that only girls should wear earrings, which meant it didn’t go down very well when my brother got his ear pierced last year. Holly was especially interested when I told her about that, but then she especially loves stories about my family that feature my brother. She’s fancied Matthew for ages now – she thinks he’s got a bum like Brad Pitt’s – and she isn’t very pleased about him going out with Jennifer.)

  ‘I wonder if Lizzie wants to marry your dad and he doesn’t want to or something,’ Holly said matter-of-factly. Holly likes to think that she’s a bit of a relationship expert. Her mum is doing a counselling course and Holly is always reading the leaflets and stuff she brings home from that.

  ‘I don’t know,’ I answered.

  ‘If they’re not getting on, they should come and speak to my mum. Part of this course she’s doing is about counselling couples who have problems in their relationships. I reckon she’ll be really good at it after everything she went through with Dad.’

  ‘Dad says that counsellors and therapists and people like that are only useful if you haven’t got any friends to listen to you, and if you’re rich enough not to mind throwing all that money away,’ I said.

  ‘Well, Mum says having therapy can really help you. She says people only make fun of it because they haven’t got the guts to do it themselves.’

  ‘Dad’s got lots of guts,’ I pointed out defensively, ‘otherwise he wouldn’t be a policeman and go around chasing murderers, would he? Murderers are
very dangerous people.’

  We were both getting a bit heated about our parents’ respective jobs now, and I think we both realized at the same time that we needed to cool it. After all, we were both on the same side, weren’t we? I wanted Dad and Lizzie to stay together and so did Holly, because she knows how much I like Lizzie.

  ‘How have you and Lizzie been getting on?’ Holly asked. ‘Do you think she’s still upset about you saying she looked fat?’

  ‘She hasn’t been acting like she is. I told her I was really sorry and she said it was OK. She even thanked me for making her realize it was time she started a diet.’

  Holly looked like a light bulb had suddenly come on in her brain. ‘That’s it! That’s why she’s in a bad mood! It’s because she’s on a diet. My mum always gets really grumpy with everybody when she’s on a diet.’

  ‘Yes, but Lizzie’s not grumpy with everybody – just with Dad.’

  ‘Has he been eating chocolate in front of her or anything like that?’

  ‘No. He’s gone on a diet too – to support her. This week he’s only been eating one doughnut with his morning coffee at work, intead of two, and he’s already lost three pounds. Lizzie really glared at him when he told us that yesterday.’

  Holly looked like she was continuing to rack her brains for a solution. Then she jumped up. ‘Wait here. I’ve got an idea.’

  She came back with two books. One was called Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. The other was called Mars and Venus on a Date.

  ‘Mum’s got loads of books on dating but she says these ones are the best,’ Holly said, starting to flick through the second one. ‘They tell you all about how men and women are completely different – just as if they were from two different planets. Mum says that’s why men and women are always falling out – because they don’t understand each other very well so they’re always saying the wrong things to each other.’ She started to read from a page in the middle of the book. ‘“If a woman says to a man, Do you think we are right for each other? Do you still love me . . . ? what might he say back to her?”’